Yet again I got another incise on my pills to keep my depression under control. Still today I have a hard time opening up fully to the people that’s trying to help me out and I now try to stay quite about it when im with friends… It’s a hard fight. People say that I can get better and win the fight. I don’t know, it does not fell that way to me as it fells like it will stay on me for the rest of my life.
I am spending less time on massager because I don’t want to end up hurting my buddy’s like what I did in the past due of my depression. Like if they take a long time to reply or when I pop online a person puts a busy mark on like it was meant for me….
I kinda think this is funny that I can talk about all this in this journal but have a hard time talking to my doc about this… but yet I think the time that I am ready to talk, no one is around. I don’t want to talk to my friends about it anymore as I don’t want to lose there friend ship. With some I am trying to repair the friendship.

Thanks for reading
Neil