A long post
I’m still having up and downs.
Like if I try to talk to anyone online. I have a hard time as from the past I had a major break down… I think it was a year ago and as well in the past few months. Had a lot of S&*^ going on, from going thou hell at school, people pasting away one by one. Worrying about my brother, that was thanks to the street drags and he was taking its scene he was a teen to… his 30s. street drags Made him go crazy like him talking to him self, hitting him self saying the devil is talking to him. He was able to get the help later on but when he was starting to get better he ended his life. That really got me upset as I was close very close to my brother as lousing him was like lousing a part of me.
Today well the past few months my dads is not in the best of health, he is mostly in bed allay as he have a hard time getting up and down the stairs. As he does have bad back and neck injures and so does my mom. I guess my dad has it worse. My grandma has a feeding tube in her and she is mostly in bed has her spin is cracked. If she moves the wrong way she will get major pain…

Also around that time line, I was starting to get better and I got someone out a blue really brought me down BADLY as going thou all this mayhem, turning around out a blue as I did not talk to that person that much about the depression. He end up saying verey hurt full things to me. Then that made me go back down in my little hole and I got very scared, and I have talked to people about it and I think I had a few trying to help me out, sticking up for me and… yea more and more crap went on.

Out of anger I turn on someone…. Ending the friend ship for no reason just mad about myself and the way my mind was then EVEYONE was agents me and I trust know one… just went deeper inside the hole and I just go deeper in the dark… As I am my own worst enemy and I think when I go down I want to stay down and never go back up as the pain was intents….

It is still intents today but I had a few good online buddy’s trying to pull me out of the deep hole, as I was about to end my life! And the people I was talking to then…. Are really good friends. They listen to me all the time and giving me a lot of support even thou they could of waked away from me they never been with me all the way. There the best!!!

I am seeing a doc for the depression right now as im on 2 types of pills one that I take at the day is called Effexor XR 75mg. The one that I take at night to help me to get a good night sleep is called Remeron RD 45mg. they seam to be helping me as I am more relax.
I sleep most of the day and I don’t like that much but I need the sleep have not been sleeping good for a past few years

Oh and the person that I end the friend ship with. We are back being friends…. Doing some chats from time to time. Just glad I got the relationship back!

Right now I’m in this group thing that last for 9 weeks, the first week is telling you about the program… the 2nd week is doing some tests to see how bad my depression and anxiety. Then tires a long 7 week, Monday to Friday teach me how to deal with my depression and stuff so I can be happy in life, Getting a job… improving my education and so on…….

So to this day ill try to post in my journal more often so I don’t need to type this long post!

Thanks for reading
Neil
Ps. Almost forgot. Right now I feel good, still have the little down times but its not as bad I have best friends to thank being by my side thou all this…. Thank you thank you!!!

With out you all I would be died by know, thanks for being there for me and Ill do the same for you if your felling blue… You have my word!^.^