Current mood:

depressed

the lost notes!
Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Well hmmm, the weeks fighting the depression….. Day after day, Week after week.. Seeing my friends going down to at the time which that did not help me at all, with all the fights I had all the snapping I did the past month. It felt like it was not going to stop. Like all the things I had flying around in my head, about my life, about my Family and my friends. Just made me lost it and go into a deep depression, I was even close of killing myself to but with all my friends trying to help me out and my own will power that I did not end my life. I thank for my friends who I have talked to about this and also I have did this post to let them haven an idea on how I am the way I am right now.


I have been fighting with depression over 11 years now that is with what happen as when I was a kid. Like I had a hard time hearing when I was little and that did not get found out until I was like 5 years old, but cuse of how long I did not hear right, that miss up with my spelling and even miss up with my learning . I am doing and trying my best to be the best as I can be as I have came a long way but still I have a bumpy rode to get thou.

I just hope that I have put it in the right words and that I hope you the reader will be able to understand on what I put down here today.

Thanks for taking your time reading this post!


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Tuesday, February 01, 2005

Yea Yea. i should not be all work up about it.. but I am... but.. what can i do... I can forgive but i will never forget! but.. at least i am happy with my new computer, and still very good friends that are online and out in the real world :)


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hello, I got myself a new computer! works pretty good i really like it! lots of fun, play new games... Yahoo! Oh and Yea im good, still here, chatting to people online, but one I am upset with right now as 5 days ago he was in a pissy mood and I was trying to help him out as what a friend does as he told me to get lost as he put me on block on MSN as i never heard from him again... I guss he is not a good friend now hey? why did i become friends with him anyways?... Oh well I will talk to him agan only if he said sorry to me as what he have done to me really hurt.
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Monday, January 24, 2005

Hmm that lump.. was nothing big at all just hard blood there inside my cheek so eveything will be ok! :)
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Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Oh yes im still alive ! :) my cheek is healing right now everything is ok as the are looking into what that lump no lumps was!

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Tuesday, January 11, 2005

well good new I have gotten bump up in the list so ill have at done at the 13th!
yep got the call hours ago and i forgot to post! :P
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Monday, January 10, 2005

to let eveyone no that on the 14 of this Mouth im going to be in the Hospital, what fun the same day as my b-day. Yea I got this lump on my right cheek that has to get removed so it wont do any damage on my face. so... if everything goes well i should be home at the same day!

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Friday, December 17, 2004

just a quick post, everything is ok now,, at this time im no longer depress , witch is a good thing, so i am backing being myself now! :) but, it does not mean that im goign to stay this way I may get hit agan. Like I am still fighing it and all but it has goun down so im more happy and stuff. I only hope that i can stay this way Deprishion can take allot out of you!
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Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Still feeling a little down, and 3 days ago, I was talking to this person, a friend of mine who felt down and he told me about what happen, like i had to pull it out of him to get it. so he told me about what happen and i got mad, that i know 2 of them that are also my friends. So I went over and talk to them both. Just lets say that I snap at them for hurting my friend, so.. They try to talk to him but he did not what any part of it so.. (by the way all this happen in a chat) he just put them on block (yea love live is hard breaking someone's hart and break your own whale doing so.)**yep online love with 2 people, that broke apart leaving ah huge hole in there hearts ** so yea and now he is no longer an member of a site i was on, (yes im a furry loving person!) but yet tires still people hurting that im not that happy about, for some that know me, I don't like that at all, I like to see everyone happy, but it takes a major tole on my body and sloe trying to help them out as im dealing with my own problems is life.

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Saturday, December 11, 2004

The day with the depression, Yea what fun that is, well hmm I was really down with myself and I think I have push other away because of that.. Hm.. I hope I can see them online soon, or if your reading this now I'm truly sorry the way I have acted and i hope that I did not scar you off. Yes or now, I'm feeling allot better, back to my happy self, but yet I don't know when my next break down will be, It just comes and goes, and to top that with all what is going on right now in my life.